To Catch a Thief
by Odyssion
Summary: [UraYoru] Kisuke loves it when Yoruichi returns home. His welcoming ritual is nothing short of unique.


**To Catch a Thief**

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own Bleach, nor am I reaping any economic benefit from the writing and subsequent publishing of this story. The characters of Bleach belong to their respective owners, but the idea of said story is from my mind.

_Author's Notes:_ My first foray into the Bleach fandom. Whoohoo! Strangely, I find Bleach a very difficult fandom to write for. There is another idea I have in mind, but I'm currently short on time so I figured a nice short comedy was a good way to start things off. The more profound Bleach musings will come later, I promise. It's just that this idea was too difficult to resist. (I also apologize for the title. Nothing genuinely came to me for this one, and somehow "cat burglar" came to mind.)

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Yoruichi is a wandering spirit, but Kisuke likes it best when she wanders back to him. He especially likes it when she gives him advance notice of her returns, so that he has time to invent fictional errands for Tessai, Jinta, and Ururu to run, errands that are of no vital importance but are likely to keep them busy most of the day and well into the evening. When he assigns these errands, Jinta will give a snort of derision and punch Ururu particularly hard, while dragging her out by the ear muttering threats and obscenities. Tessai will run after them both, yelling at Jinta to slow down and let go.

Between the time they leave and the time she returns, Kisuke has only to wait.

His ears have been trained to her footsteps in cat form, but even still he doesn't hear her until she is quite close to the house. The sun is starting to set, casting shadows the barest hint of red. He rushes from his seat, tripping slightly over his sandals, and makes it to the front door just in time to slide it open for her.

Immediately she whacks him on the head with her hand.

"Perv."

"Heeeey, what was that for?" Kisuke complains as he rubs the abused skin. "I didn't even do anything yet."

"You were in an awful rush to open the door for me, weren't you?" She glances back at him with a reprimanding yet playful grin. "Too bad I had this robe prepared to wear after my transformation."

And she does indeed; the white cotton creates an indistinct barrier on her skin. He notices that she has the sash firmly tied, and doubly looped around her waist. He watches her outline move further away and follows her into the kitchen.

"So how was the trip?" A portion of her thigh is exposed as she opens the fridge and stoops to retrieve yogurt, the skin iridescent by the glow of the fridge light.

Yoruichi gives a noncommittal shrug. "Could've been worse." She grabs a spoon and brushes past him to sit on the table, crossing her legs _just so_. He's sure she is aware of how much he admires her legs…

When his eyes finally drift up to her face, he is met with her quite deliberate consumption of a gooey white substance and his brain makes a mental note to buy yogurt more often.

Kisuke visibly swallows as she gently licks the spoon. "Do anything interesting while you were in Soul Society?" He moves closer as he talks, hoping to distract her.

"Mostly information gathering with Soifon," she says nonchalantly, and then, seeing his proximity, "Kisuke, what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing," he says innocently, placing both hands on either side of her legs and leaning in. "Just wanted to be closer to the presence of the beautiful goddess Yoruichi."

By now she has realized that he will not stop easily tonight, so she places both spoon and container on the table. She grabs the strands of his hair closest to her, the lightest shade of blond so unlike her own. Yoruichi has always had a weakness for Kisuke's hair, and he bloody well knows it.

"Really?" She is moving closer to him as well, bringing their faces only inches apart. "How close?"

"Well…"

She smiles as the man who knows her best bends down to give her a kiss… but at the last second she snatches his hat from off his head and escapes the prison of his arms.

"Hey!" Kisuke is pouty now, like she knows he will be whenever she steals his hat. "You're a very cruel goddess, you know that?"

"Of course!" She draws out the words, smiling wickedly as she dumps his hat unceremoniously onto her head. "But you wouldn't like me any other way." She reaches out her hand to him.

He studies her for a long moment, but when he moves forward to take her offering she doesn't retract it.

"You're right," he says as her hand slides effortlessly into his. He has always liked how their skin contrasts so starkly, how his hands are foreign to him when they are held by hers. "I wouldn't want to change a thing."

And her body melds perfectly into his as he draws her close for a kiss, her hands sliding beneath his shirt and over the taunt skin of his chest and shoulders. Goosebumps dot his body as she presses them together even tighter, grinding their hips on one another. He lets a startled moan slip between their lips and she draws back, taking a few steps away from him, smiling seductively.

"What a predicament you've got there," she says coyly, her eyes trailing down to the not-so-subtle bulge in his pants. His eyes go wide as craters when her hands go to the sash tying the robe together, wondering what was in that yogurt to make her so responsive to him.

"Close your eyes," she whispers, and he is only too happy to comply. When he feels the robe hit his chest, his eyes fly open faster than a bullet, but she is nowhere to be seen.

From the floor, a male voice speaks. "Too bad you'll have to solve that problem yourself."

Even in cat form, Yoruichi's self-satisfied grin is not hard to miss.

"Why, you..!" He lunges for her furry form despite the fact that he knows he will never catch her. But the cat has already bounded away, and she says goodnight to him with no more than a flick of her tail.

Yoruichi is a wandering spirit, but Kisuke likes it best when she wanders back to him, even when it leaves him in the same predicament almost every time.

**END**

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End file.
